Ok, so… Let’s talk about Google suggestions. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, borderline two decades, then chances are you will definitely have used Google at one time or another. If you’re anything like me, Google can be a life line when in a desperate crisis. To name a few examples: finding out how old that actor is, typing in those lyrics that have been bugging you aaallll day to find out what that damn song is or typing in your own name to see what frightening things come up that you had absolutely no idea other people could see! Lastly, and this is a personal favourite of mine, googling your cold symptoms and then coming to terms with the fact that you definitely have a life altering disease. But hey, maybe you actually use Google for things of actual importance and more power to ya! Google can be your best mate or your worst enemy, peeps.
Anyway, in using Google for whatever the reason may be, whilst googling whatever it is you’re googling, this thing happens where Google tries to complete your sentence for you and a few suggestions usually appear in drop down form. Basically, think of it as predictive text. Nine times out of ten the suggestions are not even remotely close to the thing you were actually trying to enquire but occasionally it does come in handy. Now, while some of the suggestions are pretty
Google suggestions can actually serve a purpose besides giving you a giggle. The suggestions are basically made up of questions that have been asked before, based on how frequent the questions are asked. It can show us the most frequently asked questions that people want answers to – which is the purpose for this post; we’ve come full circle guys! So, I’m going to attempt to answer them here; relationship edition.
P.S. New drinking game, take a shot every time I mention ‘Google’ in this post! Yay! P.P.S. Disclaimer – in no way am I being sponsored by Google for this post! (She says with a hint of envy).
Q1. ‘Why does my girlfriend hate me?’
A1. If your girlfriend hated you, I highly doubt you’d still be together. So instead of asking Google, you may want to find out from her first hand. It’s very unlikely that she hates you; it’s probably a combination of your over thinking and the fact that you’ve probs annoyed her in some way. I mean, I’d be pretty agitated if instead of talking to me, my boyf stayed busy googling our issues. Communicate!
Q2. ‘Why does my girlfriend smell like…?’
Due to the cliff hanger worthy general-ness of this question, I had to narrow down the possibilities of smell by searching this particular question on its own.
A2. If your girlfriend smells like poo or ‘poop’, maybe her hygiene isn’t up to scratch. Unfortunately, I’d wager it’s probably an uncomfortable conversation to have to make sure that she is wiping front to back. Instead, try dropping some subtle hints like buying her fancy bath soaps and shower gels, maybe some new undies! If that fails, try to be honest but my god – be sensitive! No girl wants to be walking around smelling like poop but she definitely won’t appreciate it if you shout it from the rooftops!
Secondly, if your girlfriend smells like ‘fish’, maybe she eats a lot of anchovies? Find out, let her know and buy her some mints before you two play tonsil tennis if you really can’t stand it. However, if she smells like fish ‘down there’ this could be for a few reasons. If she’s just had a long day, she might have built up a sweat and didn’t get a chance to freshen up – give her a break. If it’s an ongoing thing, she might not be freshening up properly in general. Be honest and open with her and let her know… It’s a two way street! Also, it’s possible she could have an infection of sorts or an underlying condition. If you let her know and she swears she is doing everything properly, she might need to go to the doctors and find a solution there. Side note – Everyone has their own natural musk. Try to figure out if this is a distinct, strong fishy smell or possibly just her personal scent. Try not to hurt her feelings in the meantime!
Q3. ‘Why does my girlfriend hit me?’
A3. If your girlfriend is hitting you with playful intentions but it’s hurting you or you just don’t like it, let her know! Tell her to stop, if she loves you she will get it, apologise and stop. However, if your girlfriend hitting you isn’t in a playful kinda way, dump her. No one should hit anyone for any reason what so ever. It’s abuse. You hear a lot about men not being able to hit women in relationships and not as much about the other way around. It’s physical abuse either way. Report it. If you are having trouble getting out of the relationship for whatever reason; there are plenty of helplines you can reach out to that specifically deal with these situations. Be brave, talk to someone. Abuse is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with; emotional and physical.
Q4. ‘Why does my girlfriend look at other guys?’
A4. Just because your girlfriend is in a relationship with you does not mean that she is now blind to her basic instincts. Both she and you will still find other people physically attractive. Relationships vary with things like this. In my experience, there are some relationships where you can discuss with your significant other the other people you find attractive. The results of this still vary as your S/O will either get slightly but openly jealous and start picking out the maybe real maybe invisible faults of your passing fancy or, simply agree with you that they are attractive. Another result could be downright outrage. That’s fine too! Believe me, I’ve been all three of those. It’s normal to get jealous over your S/O finding another person attractive. It’s human nature. Separately, there are those relationships where you, they or both of you may not be comfortable to admit to the people you find attractive for various reasons and that’s cool too. However, the problem comes in where your partner is openly checking out other people right under your nose, hurting your feelings or being plain insensitive about it. Your girlfriend may not realise that she’s doing it and may not even find the passerby attractive. It could all be a total misunderstanding so just tell her how you feel. Equally, your girlfriend could be trying to make you jealous. It seems random but this is actually quite common. Again, talk to her and tell her it isn’t cool, man. Be honest and most importantly – don’t be a hypocrite! If you’re doing it too, you can’t really comment unless you come to the agreement that you’ll both stop or whatever.
Q5. ‘Why did he block me?’
A5. If you just broke up, he could have blocked you for his and your own good. If the break off was bad, he probably blocked you out of anger and doesn’t want to see your posts right now/doesn’t want you to see his or wants to break off possible communication methods. If you were never even together or seeing each other in the first place; you were definitely stalking him and he found out. Soz.
Q6. ‘Why did he cheat on me?’
A6. He cheated on you because he’s a spineless moron. There are arguments about whether you aren’t passionate enough, you treated him badly or cheated on him first etc, etc, etc. But, for the sake of not making this a strenuously long post… I will put it plainly. Regardless of how your relationship is or was, disrespecting you by cheating on you is not the way forward and is not acceptable. Yet again, communication is key. If he wasn’t happy, he should have talked to you about how he was feeling or just broken up with you, as harsh as that sounds. Although, I will say this: sometimes people just cheat. Not because they’re unhappy, it’s just who they are and they let their lust take over. As he’s already cheated on you, he isn’t even worth the time you took typing that question and you certainly should not have to listen to his sorry explanation – onwards and upwards!
Q7. ‘Why did he leave me?’
A7. Multiple possibilities; He wasn’t happy. You weren’t happy. You did something he didn’t like. He did something you wouldn’t like. It could also be a momentary insanity type thing if the two of you had an argument. Truth is, this question has a very broad spectrum of answers so best thing you can do is try to talk to him or retrace yours/his steps (theoretically or otherwise) to find out what happened. If he spontaneously left you and you cannot for the life of you think of a possible reason, try to contact him a few times and/or wait for him to contact you. If all else fails, eat a shed load of ice cream, listen to some feel good songs, watch some guilty pleasure movies and you’ll be fine, eventually. Time heals all wounds – ish!
Q8. ‘Why did he stop texting?’
A8. Refer to answers A6 and A7. Also it may just be his crappy way of saying he’s just not that in to you, for lack of a better/less cliché term.
Q9. ‘I’m in a relationship but I like another girl?’
A9. For this question, I have to adapt to multiple perspectives. Firstly and most importantly, you probably have to break off your relationship; it isn’t fair to the person you’re currently in a relationship with, the person you like or to yourself. Secondly, as long as you haven’t physically or emotionally cheated on the person whom you are currently going out with, I actually sympathise with you. I have, as it happens, been in this situation myself. I’ve also been on the receiving end. So I think I am pretty qualified to answer this one! You need to talk to your current partner. You need to tell them everything. You may want to come to the conclusion that you will cut off the third person and work on your relationship and that’s absolutely fine as long as everything is out in the open; this is an option I have tried and tested myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It may even just be a momentary confusing crush, still not a great situation but it happens. However, that doesn’t mean it will necessarily work for you, so be prepared for that and give it your all. If you want to be with the third person or just simply do not wish to be in the relationship anymore, still tell your current partner everything and terminate the relationship, gently. This will be tough and could get dirty for all parties involved so be brave, be patient and good luck.
Q10. ‘I’m in a relationship but I love my best friend?’
A10. Terminate the relationship, now. If you are in love with your best friend, chances are it has been that way for a while. For them to be your best friend, I would expect that they’ve been in your life for a long time and you should have terminated the relationship as soon as you realised you were in love with ya bestie. Again, I kind of sympathise with you as long as you haven’t cheated in any way on your current partner. Things will probably get dirty with this one but you have to tell your partner everything. Honesty is the best policy, regardless of who gets hurt along the way.
Q11. I’m in a relationship but I like another guy?’
A11. Refer to answer A9.
Q12. ‘I’m in a relationship but I don’t feel anything?’
A12. Perhaps you’re dating a Ghost? A Ghoul? A Phantom? A figment of your imagination? Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Now, I have mixed feelings with this one. It could just be a rough patch. Things might feel off right now but could pick up… it depends on how long you’ve felt this way. Try to imagine yourself in a situation where your S/O suddenly drops off the face of the earth or meets someone new. How does that thought make you feel? If the feelings range from anywhere between sad, confused, angry or distressed… give it some time and don’t make any rash decisions. Things will probably pick up. Spend some time together and try to get back to a place of remembering why you got together with this person in the first place. Think of the good times. However, if your thoughts about this are few and far between with no strong emotional response… well, you have to end your relationship. It isn’t fair on you or your S/O to keep going if you really aren’t feeling it and haven’t been for a while. If you’re reluctant to leave the relationship based on security, safety and just a sense of comfort from being with the same person for a while; I’m afraid you just need to be strong and push forward. Try not to feel guilty, it’s hard but these things happen and you can’t help the way you feel.
So, there we have it! 12 answers for 12 questions frequently asked by the general public. What I’ve learned from this? Technology really is taking over and people really will use Google for absolutely anything and everythaaang. No shame. Are you a serial Googler? Any topics in particular that you’d like to see me answer? I’m thinking of doing more in this series so feel free to leave a comment and let me know if you liked it! Thanks for reading chaps – Happy Googling!
Emma, the girl that is considering a career as a love guru xo